


on my empty mind

by collieflower



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Oh To Be Gay, Pining, The Gentle Solidarity Between Two Closeted Queers, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28847844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collieflower/pseuds/collieflower
Summary: Gossiping aboutboyswas never a conversation Kei assumed he would be a part of. Especially not with Hinata of all people.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, One Sided Hinata Shouyo/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 7
Kudos: 93





	on my empty mind

**Author's Note:**

> thinking a lot about that very specific vibe and memory about being closeted as a teenager.
> 
> title from sza's good days

Gossiping about  _ boys  _ was never a conversation Kei assumed he would be a part of. Especially not with Hinata of all people.

Not because it was a surprise that Hinata was like Kei, because that had been a surprise since Kei had known him. No, what was shocking was that  _ Kei  _ was the only one Hinata trusted to keep such secrets. He was content to talk behind palms with Kei when they passed an attractive man on their way home from practice, or when Kageyama looked especially handsome when he showed up to school that day.

He didn’t understand Hinata’s preferences. He would never pretend to. He was too busy to notice how pretty King’s hair fell over his eyes, because he was too busy being caught up in someone else’s.

Hinata,  _ of all people.  _

Hinata was grateful for someone similar to him to be open with. Kei would never admit that he was happy to stumble after him.

After practices and the in-betweens when Hinata happened to catch him for a moment, they talked. For someone as single-minded as Hinata, the king was a common topic. Kageyama didn’t fit Kei’s taste, and Kei thought that he heard  _ far  _ too much about him on a weekly basis. 

Just like now. In the quick span of four minutes, Kei had learned that Kageyama — who had been out sick Friday, and it was Tuesday, now — looked  _ gross _ sick, but also kind of rumpled and cute. His hair stuck up at the ends, and he looked sleepy, really, Kei, he looked kind of weak and Hinata just wanted to stay with him and cook him soup. Not that Hinata could cook very well—

It had been a very long four minutes. 

But then Hinata shifted, tossing the last spare ball back into the cart. He looked back at Kei, eyes shifting like he was gonna offer shady advice or tell Kei  _ meet me behind the school after everyone leaves.  _

Kei leaned the mop against the wall and reached between the window bars for a spare water bottle hanging around. Turning it over he saw Hinata’s name sharpied along the side. Typical for him to leave his things everywhere, really.

He opened himself up for Hinata to come close to him, was quiet in order to hear him after his volume dropped.

“We were watching videos on his tablet,” he said, hushed with his eyes on their teammates finishing their chores. 

Kei frowned at him, leaning a centimeter away. “If he’s sick you shouldn’t be getting so close to him. You could catch something next, or worse spread it around.”

Hinata squawked, rocking back on his heels. “I wore a mask!” he protested. “And he’s not coughing. There’s a fever and stomach ache—”

Kei wondered how long he would go on before he was stopped. “But we were sitting next to each other. I could feel the heat of his hand next to mine,” Hinata whispered, bright eyes pinning Kei where he stood. It was a trivial thing, to hold someone’s hand. Hinata spoke it to be a divine gift, a graced freedom never before tasted.

The weight of his tone could fit in Kei’s hand, as palpable as a stone. As thick as Hinata’s whisper as it drifted between them.

Kei was no stranger to the heady prick of jealousy. But he had never felt its dripping emerald claws so deep before. Not for Hinata, to be able to touch Kageyama with such awkward joy — but for Kageyama to be able to be the reason Hinata experienced such joy and excitement.

“You almost touched his hand?” Kei repeated, tone flat despite how quickly his heart drummed against his ribs. He tried to look aloof, and not show exactly how intensely he wanted to gather Hinata into himself. “Amazing. Next he’ll push you down and tug on your hair.”

“He’s already tugged on my hair,” Hinata huffed, scrubbing his hands through wild curls. It took a second for his brain to catch up. When it did, he fwipped back to Kei, his jaw hanging to the floor. If his hands weren’t braced on his knees, Kei thought that Hinata might have shoved him. “Meanieshima!” he hollered, so loud Ennoshita glanced their way. Hinata flushed, ducking down before glaring at Kei. “We’re not little kids,” he protested much quieter this time.

Kei tossed him his water bottle, followed by a smirk. “Then why act like one?”

Hinata’s cheeks puffed out like they did when he thought something was unfair. He followed as Kei picked up the mop and went back to the storage closet. He was obviously set on arguing until it was time they leave. Or maybe it was to gush more about his ill highness.

When Kei turned from putting the mop away, Hinata was still there. He was silent as he gathered up his thoughts like a neat bundle of straw. He clenched his hands at his sides, kneading as if to speed up the process.

A smart remark sat poised on Kei’s lips. It tasted safe on his tongue. Familiar and easy to navigate. Everything a quiet Hinata was not.

“It’s hard,” were the words he finally decided on. “For people like us.”

_ Oh.  _

Kei’s mind began spinning faster as his shoulders bunched together. They didn’t talk like this. It was a reality known, but spoken through whispers on breaks and in vague language in crowded places where they wouldn’t be regarded as  _ other.  _

Where a hand held is a victory.

“I don’t get to confess to him like a girl, so...” Hinata swallowed. Kei couldn’t decide if he heard the sound, or merely felt it mirrored in his own throat. “So this is enough.” He held his hand up between them, flexing his fingers like he’d just hit a perfect spike. “If I can just stay near him, then that’ll be okay.” He closed his fist, bearing his promise in clenched fingers.

“I get it,” Kei said when he couldn’t bear the intensity of those eyes any longer. He broke off, glaring at the gym beyond the door just to be able to look away.

The silence stretched between them, and Kei waited for the moment Hinata would laugh and scrub his neck as he made his excuses. Kei hoped it would happen quickly, before he found the nerve to ask how Hinata could follow someone so blindly, with so much devotion when it was never guaranteed to be returned in the same way.

Hinata, as flighty as he was, was terribly good at standing his ground.

He didn’t have to wait very long before the moment was broken.

Kei barely caught the movement before the noise startled him. Tadashi stood in the doorway, his hands slapped on either side. The grin he previously had etched on his face began to slip as he took in the scene.

“Oh, uh,” he stammered, breathing in the tension through his nose. “Am I interrupting? Did you fight?”

Hinata turned, smiling at him. As soon as those eyes turned from him, Kei’s chest felt light and cold. Like a warm blanket snatched away just as you’ve gotten to sleep.

He watched as Hinata shook his head side to side like a wet dog. “I was telling him about Kageyama!” he crowed before Kei could get out an excuse.

Tadashi frowned. “He didn’t get worse, did he?” He dropped his hands from the door and took in a breath. “He’s been pushing himself too hard.”

Hinata was the last person to be able to comment on such things, but when had that ever stopped him? “Maybe! He’s okay though, don’t worry.”

“Good. Practice sure is a lot different without him.” He blinked, pausing suddenly. His finger snap was the pull-cord to an attic light bulb popping to life. “Ennoshita is treating us today, so let’s hurry up and finish, okay?”

It was amazing how quickly the mood could change when food was on the line. Hinata cheered, but whatever he said was lost to Kei’s ears as Hinata skirted around Tadashi. He was lost to the rest of the gym, and Kei was left behind with Tadashi, who Kei could never hide from.

“You okay, Tsukki?” he asked, a meter or so space between them.

“Fine.” He nodded to Tadashi and followed Hinata onto the court.

It was hard for people like Kei and Hinata. But for just a moment more, this could be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u deen for beta'ing this for me!! ily <3
> 
> if you want to hmu, or figure out how to lemme write a fic for you, head to my [twitter!](https://twitter.com/bardicyearning)


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